or I'm too weak to carry them to bed.
10 years ago
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
you're not going to like this one...
Kids... sometimes daddies have to be direct, and blunt, and even mean. Like when someone hurts their little girls. Here is an email I had to send today. I may delete this before you ever read it, but I had to get it out for now...
Cole,
I'm really hoping this only needs to be addressed once. It seems silly to have to say this, but I'm going to have to say it anyway.
You don't tell a 5 year old that she's "annoying". You never call a 6 year old a "coward". There is never a reason you would take a 5 year old girl, and put her in your baby's crib because she's "acting like a baby". AND YOU SURE AS SHIT DON'T EVER DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTERS!
You've been "playing daddy" long enough. You've got your own child now, you're a daddy... grow the fuck up.
I really hope we're clear on that. If I've left you confused about any of this, I am more than happy to clarify.
Now, having vented, I should tell you that which you should already know. My daughters little hearts are the most important thing in all of this. Not your pride, not my anger. I'll let go of my anger, please put your pride down and hear this: though I think less of you daily, my daughters love you. We all know you aren't their real dad, but that doesn't matter to them. Because they love you, when you act that way, and when you say those things, it hurts them... badly. And it sticks with them. It sticks with them so vividly that they bring it up to me in a shameful manner as if they somehow are bad girls, and deserve that treatment, and they bring it up at the most random and unrelated times. Like when we are taking a walk and discussing their day and what they want for dinner. Please understand the effect you have on them, please react to their misbehaving (or whatever prompted you to say those things) with love and patience, and not hurtful words and shaming actions.
Just so you are prepared to discuss it with them should it ever come up, here is what my reaction was: I told the girls that you love them very much. I told them that you didn't mean it, and that you are new to being a daddy and are trying your best and doing a very good job, but just like everyone else (including me) you make mistakes. I told Kira that it was a mistake that you told her she was a coward... but that's ok. I told Drea that she was not annoying, and that it was a mistake to use that word in reference to her. I also told them that we get to forgive whenever someone hurts us no matter what they've done.
They forgive you. Don't do that shit again.
Cole,
I'm really hoping this only needs to be addressed once. It seems silly to have to say this, but I'm going to have to say it anyway.
You don't tell a 5 year old that she's "annoying". You never call a 6 year old a "coward". There is never a reason you would take a 5 year old girl, and put her in your baby's crib because she's "acting like a baby". AND YOU SURE AS SHIT DON'T EVER DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTERS!
You've been "playing daddy" long enough. You've got your own child now, you're a daddy... grow the fuck up.
I really hope we're clear on that. If I've left you confused about any of this, I am more than happy to clarify.
Now, having vented, I should tell you that which you should already know. My daughters little hearts are the most important thing in all of this. Not your pride, not my anger. I'll let go of my anger, please put your pride down and hear this: though I think less of you daily, my daughters love you. We all know you aren't their real dad, but that doesn't matter to them. Because they love you, when you act that way, and when you say those things, it hurts them... badly. And it sticks with them. It sticks with them so vividly that they bring it up to me in a shameful manner as if they somehow are bad girls, and deserve that treatment, and they bring it up at the most random and unrelated times. Like when we are taking a walk and discussing their day and what they want for dinner. Please understand the effect you have on them, please react to their misbehaving (or whatever prompted you to say those things) with love and patience, and not hurtful words and shaming actions.
Just so you are prepared to discuss it with them should it ever come up, here is what my reaction was: I told the girls that you love them very much. I told them that you didn't mean it, and that you are new to being a daddy and are trying your best and doing a very good job, but just like everyone else (including me) you make mistakes. I told Kira that it was a mistake that you told her she was a coward... but that's ok. I told Drea that she was not annoying, and that it was a mistake to use that word in reference to her. I also told them that we get to forgive whenever someone hurts us no matter what they've done.
They forgive you. Don't do that shit again.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
sometimes lies beat the truth...
... but only for a little while. Right?
Hello my beautiful girls. If you are old enough to be reading this, I think you already know how this all turned out, and you know the answer to that question.
Today is a sad day. Your daddy found out that the courts are letting your mom move you all the way to Nevada. This is "temporary" and the order only holds until we go back to court in September. At that time the judge will decide if you have to stay there permenantly or not. The problem is that even though the judge made a mistake, and he based his decision on some stuff that wasn't true, there doesn't seem to be a big chance of the court ordering your mom to bring you back home since he's letting her take you now.
4 years ago when your mom left us, I thought it was the worst day of my life. Today, I realize how wrong I was. Having her tear you girls away from me is far more painful than when she just took herself out of the picture. To be quite honest with you, I don't really know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to deal with this. I guess by the time you are reading this you'll know the answer to that too.
Here's what I do know. I've got you both for the entire month of June. Plan on spending most of that snuggling.
After that, I have a few weekends scattered around the summer to spend with you. It isn't nearly enough time, but we will make the most of it like we usually do.
I lack the vocabulary to sufficiently describe how devistating it is for me that you are moving. I found out about 3 hours ago, and have been barely able to function since. As I type this, I can feel my mind just shutting down. I can only imagine how you are feeling now as your mom breaks the news to you. I know how much you both want to live with me, I know how hard it is for us to be away from each other. Don't be too mad at your mom. She doesn't know.
There are a lot of people who love you and your daddy, and we are receiving a lot of support and prayers from them. I'll keep praying that this turns out better in September, and I know you will too.
I do have faith that it will still go better for us girls. If not now, in September. If not in September, then next year. If not next year... you get the picture. Our happy ending does not end with us being sad and apart from each other.
Please know that however this turns out, your daddy is still your daddy and always will be. And I will never stop fighting for you both.
Dads don't give up on their little girls. Because little girls need their dads... almost as much as dads need their little girls.
Hello my beautiful girls. If you are old enough to be reading this, I think you already know how this all turned out, and you know the answer to that question.
Today is a sad day. Your daddy found out that the courts are letting your mom move you all the way to Nevada. This is "temporary" and the order only holds until we go back to court in September. At that time the judge will decide if you have to stay there permenantly or not. The problem is that even though the judge made a mistake, and he based his decision on some stuff that wasn't true, there doesn't seem to be a big chance of the court ordering your mom to bring you back home since he's letting her take you now.
4 years ago when your mom left us, I thought it was the worst day of my life. Today, I realize how wrong I was. Having her tear you girls away from me is far more painful than when she just took herself out of the picture. To be quite honest with you, I don't really know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to deal with this. I guess by the time you are reading this you'll know the answer to that too.
Here's what I do know. I've got you both for the entire month of June. Plan on spending most of that snuggling.
After that, I have a few weekends scattered around the summer to spend with you. It isn't nearly enough time, but we will make the most of it like we usually do.
I lack the vocabulary to sufficiently describe how devistating it is for me that you are moving. I found out about 3 hours ago, and have been barely able to function since. As I type this, I can feel my mind just shutting down. I can only imagine how you are feeling now as your mom breaks the news to you. I know how much you both want to live with me, I know how hard it is for us to be away from each other. Don't be too mad at your mom. She doesn't know.
There are a lot of people who love you and your daddy, and we are receiving a lot of support and prayers from them. I'll keep praying that this turns out better in September, and I know you will too.
I do have faith that it will still go better for us girls. If not now, in September. If not in September, then next year. If not next year... you get the picture. Our happy ending does not end with us being sad and apart from each other.
Please know that however this turns out, your daddy is still your daddy and always will be. And I will never stop fighting for you both.
Dads don't give up on their little girls. Because little girls need their dads... almost as much as dads need their little girls.
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