dazed, but no longer confused...

We've all heard that everything happens for a reason, and while I believe this to be mostly true, it offers little consolation to the soul of one suffering through hardship.  We've all probably said this to a friend during their trying time, and we've all been told this by a friend during ours.  Think about it... when you said it to someone else, you totally believed it, didn't you?  But when someone said it last to you, the hope was a bit more murky, and the sentiment seemed more diluted, right?
I said those words to a friend tonight, and when I did, I thoroughly believed them.  She is bright, smart, full of love, and has a beautiful heart.  She is on a bumpy road, and I know that she'll be fine and that the bumps in her road are just preparing her, and teaching her.
After I left her I reflected on the times I'd hit rough patches, and the times I'd thought and been told everything happens for a reason in my recent history.  I recall having thought "Yah, but what the ---- is the reason?!" Or "When will I know what that reason was, and what am I supposed to have learned from this experience." I have found myself so discouraged and frustrated at not having those answers immediately (or even 3 years later).
Tonight, some of those answers came to me.  As I walked on the beach, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the crashing waves, the cool breeze on my face, and the weight of my solitude combined in perfect measure to open my eyes.  I was reminded that despite where I've been, what I've done, or what I've suffered, I am in the perfect place, surrounded by people who are perfect for me, and that it all happened for a reason.  I may not have all the answers to questions starting with "why", but I do have answers for important questions.  I am excited about where I am, and where I am going; and my experiences (trials, hardships, failures, triumphs, and successes) have been the perfect learning experience for me.
I was reminded that God is still in charge, and I find happiness proportionate to the degree to which I turn my life over to him.
There is a powerful loneliness born of loss that breeds pain and eventually apathy.  I am thankful that I am not terribly apathetic just yet.    More to learn, more to experience, more to love. I'm excited for the next chapter.